Thursday, March 15, 2007
[*foU.ntAiN. oF .hoPe*] ...the floating leaves came falling like snow when the wind gently blew against the tree. in that instant, it felt like i was transported into another country that had autumn, and i was there. but it was just an illusion, or in a nicer term, my imagination. how could it be possible? when i was standing at the traffic lights waiting for the colour to change and only to be transported into another place? it's not possible in reality.
from the depths of my heart, a fountain of hope was springing crystal pure waters into my soul. and it was nice, it was good. i was happy. i didn't feel that i could have broken down any time. anyways, so what about now? how am i feeling? put it in simple terms. i've managed to convince myself to try to find joy in the things i have to do. not because i wanna do it or that i love to do it, but because since i have to do it, i might as well try to find joy in doing it so that i'll be happy instead of sad or stress or whatever rubbish.
in any case, i'm just gonna do whatever i'm tasked to do. since following instructions should be what i'm supposed to do, even if it seems or might be ridiculous, since it's instructions, i'll just do it even if i don't like or don't wanna do it. it sounds no different from a robot or a soldier waiting to be deployed or someone's pet dog, but in this reality, does it really matter anymore? i guess it's a cruel awakening to me, that life out there will be like this. my boss will give me instructions to follow, and i'll have to follow it even if i don't like it, am i right? but if it is against my believes, my morals, then i will definitely not do it. i can do without it, then compromise of my values and convictions. we're all gonna die afterall, so what are you going to tell God? that you were obedient to the people who were superior even if it meant breaking God's heart?
it doesn't matter what people expect out of you. it doesn't matter if don't meet their expectations. because i firmly believe that i am here not to please people, even if the people are teachers. i am here to fulfil God's purpose for me. not people's expectations out of me. they are not my God, and they shouldn't be either. no one in this world should be your god. for the very basic reason that they are imperfect and they're gonna die anyway. i'd rather do what God would have me do even if it means going against instructions. but when it comes to a point when the situation seems stuck, i'll just ask myself what would God have you do? for me, the most important thing now is do do what God would want me to do, not what people would want me to do. i'm not any form of fairy that fulfil's people's request, but a mere child of God who wants to follow Him every step of the way and hold on tightly to His love and hand.
cheryn ...
posted at 3/15/2007 10:09:00 pm
